I am tired, stressed out, frazzled and feeling completely and utterly alone. I knew this move would be stressful and would require a large amount of work on my part, but being so close to the end has made me (and my body) realize how much is still left.
Jimmy is gone much of the week, and when he is home I feel like I should let him enjoy time with the kids. I try to keep from nagging or begging for help. And up until this past week, I've done a pretty good job of that. Last week was long. Really, really long. The kids all had a million places to be and activities to do, as did I. Much of the house still needed to be packed, closets cleaned out, and last minute projects finished. The new house needs new paint in nearly all of the rooms, the kitchen and bathrooms need to be cleaned...and then there's the unpacking.
I know that I shouldn't complain about having a husband that works hard so that I can be at home with my kids, and that I chose this. But, life as a stay home parent can be fairly isolating. I often find myself craving adult interaction, even if it is just a text from a friend. And as a mother and a wife, my need to want to do everything for everyone often outweighs my need for sanity. Today, a good scream or two won't even make a dent in the stress that I am feeling. It is hard to not project this onto my family, and it pains me when I slip up and do just that.
This week, thus far, has been an emotional roller coaster. (and it's only Tuesday) Yesterday, as the kids and I were disassembling beds, the reality of the move hit them. I had three crying kids, all upset that they have to leave their friends on Friday. It's hard to hold it together, when I know exactly how they feel. Last night, after everyone was in bed, I allowed myself to feel what the monsters are feeling. Despite not having a lot close friends here, I let the reality of leaving what we have known as our home hit me. I feel like I am leaving things unfinished, and that bothers me.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. We have some good friends helping us out in the last couple of days, and Seth has become quite the packing assistant. And, instead of diving right into all of the unpacking mayhem, we are going camping this weekend. A little break from the real world is just what I need. I am still scared about this move, and apprehensive of what the next few weeks will hold. Today, my optimism is wavering. I am grumpy and emotional. Hopefully, once this is all said and done, I will be in a better place.
This will be my last post from Plainview because, as of Friday night, I will be an Iowa resident. See you on the flipside! K